


Contradictions

by 8d6FireDamage



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Non-Canonical Character Death, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 02:26:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16735296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8d6FireDamage/pseuds/8d6FireDamage
Summary: What Caleb experiences in the moments between death and resurrection. A character study.





	Contradictions

Each person’s life is filled with contradictions. The push of free will against the binding weave of fate. Momentous events creating new paragraphs, and the soft in-betweens allowing for commas and ellipses. The past forever carved into stone paired with the nebulous mist of the future. Should you judge someone by intent or action? When all is said and done and the gods call for the end of your journey, what of yourself should you truly stand by? What aspect of your infinitesimal, fractal-like existence would make you say, _yes, my time here was not wasted, consciousness and influence were boons that I didn’t squander?_ When you are asked, will you believe your answer?

 

* * *

 

With a mind like his, Caleb could only measure his life in neat, succinct chapters. There is before and there is after. He had defined himself by his past. And what sort of miserable life had he lead when each day, each moment, each space between heartbeats was framed by that which he regrets most? This end was too premature. He stood just beyond the veil of death, and could do nothing but call himself a failure. Every second of work and effort he put forth from that moment, _that terrible moment,_ was a waste.

 

So here he was in this inky black void. There are no answers here. There is _nothing_ here. Not one hint or iota of respite. The curse that his consciousness has always been was all that was left of him here. Nothing to do but think and remember every single godforsaken moment that had led him here, and reminisce with a bittersweet nostalgia on all his plans that were now dashed against the rocks. It was a perfect hell. His own personal, perfect hell. There was nothing left to do but accept this fitting end. Poetic justice, for what punishment could ever be greater than the one he had levied on himself? This punishment that he had self imposed for years before his untimely death? The pain then was a focus, a means to an end. But now? Without any hope of recourse? He had always known a simple death would be too kind for him.

 

Caleb counted each second as it passed. _One. Two. Three. … Ten. Fifty. One hundred. One thousand. One million. One billion._ It has been so many years in this place, and he could never lose track. He could always remember where and when each number should be placed. He could not stop counting if he tried. And so it goes.

 

Without warning the blackness around him shatters. Uncountable fractures of light spiderwebbed out around him all at once. An overwhelming and frantic chorus of voices cry out, too layered to understand until eventually they settle on one simple phrase.

 

_You are worth saving…_

 

_You are worth saving…_

 

_You are worth saving…_

 

Caleb tries to scream out. No. _No!_ This is not right! This is not what he wants! He deserves this!

 

He opens his eyes.

 

_“He’s alive! Guys, he’s alive!”_

 

_I died? Oh...Scheisse. I died. For how long?_

 

_“About a minute.”_

 


End file.
